So to big money matters.  A quiz has been found that would net you the equivalent of £500 for getting 25 out of 25 questions right.  Fail that, but still win the quiz, and you get food and drink vouchers, so can’t be bad.  What do you need to win it?  Media and pop culture savvy, a bit of local knowledge, and imperviousness to the QM’s habit of referring to every single question as  ‘nice and handy’.  Oh, and some tolerance for the slow pace and the loud music between every question.  It’s reasonably cheat-proof as well, because a lot of the questions are visual and appear on the screens round the pub.  On the last night we were there we won with a far from impressive 18 out of 25 but another time we got 23and didn’t win the quiz… yet the big cash prize seems to be receding.

And where is it?  Not in the UK, friends, which is why I said ‘the equivalent of £500′.  If you think you might need to know, drop me a line and I’ll tell you the location.

I ran a piece not that long ago on resources for quizmasters, and over the next couple of weeks I’ll be looking at resources for quiz players.  Don’t touch that dial….

But next time I update there will be something I found on my travels with a big money prize…

Within pub quizzes, there are few things less appealing than tiebreakers.    Now we’re not talking Nadal and Federer type Herculean efforts, we are talking seemingly random questions designed to break a supposed deadlock between two teams on the same score.

These tend to veer from the staggeringly boring and irrelevant (‘How many words are in some Swedish soliloquy?’) to the simply tedious (‘What the is record for the number of people’s legs a dog can run under?’) to the incorrect (‘What year did Madame Tussaud’s open in Baker Street, London?’ – answer given as 1923) to the baffling (‘How many times are dogs mentioned in the Bible?’  – Answer given as 14, which amazingly one team got dead on (how?), but I have seen other answers ranging from 18 to 44 given and anyway, what version of the Bible are we talking about?).

I couldn’t begin to count the times we’ve lost on the wretched things and sometimes I do wonder, like the dogs in the Bible one and the Madame Tussaud’s one.  I’ll leave you to puzzle over the following:  ‘One is happenstance, twice is happenstance, three times is enemy sabotage’.  Have you ever been the victim of a puzzling tiebreak result?  Do let me know….

Yes, it’s happened.  The worst quiz of the year, so far.

Our hopes weren’t high because we saw a picture round;  however, there were four other rounds with a token prize for the highest score in each and an overall prize for the quiz.  Plus a jackpot if you got 90% of the answers right in the whole quiz.  The pub was somewhat dark and at one stage during the night one man brought the pix over to one of the few lights, which happened to be at the QM’s table.  She had been outside smoking but ran in to confront him, allegedly under the impression that he had been trying to look at the answers. 

Second round:  lyrics from No 1 songs of the Noughties – everyone in the pub (there weren’t many but the ages were mixed) became very vocal about how hard these were.  The (female) QM insisted that they were easy as she knew them all;  she then decided to disregard the round.

Third round:  World Cup stuff.  We got 11/12, only missing what animal the accursed mascot was (a leopard).  We were told, however, that we had been beaten by one point and the neighbouring team got a box of chocolates. The QM said that she did not give out scores as some teams were embarrassed to hear their low scores.

Fourth round:  Computers.  Shucks, beaten by one point again.

Fifth round:  General Knowledge.  We won that one, mirabile dictu, and got a bottle of wine.

Sixth round:  TV theme tunes.  Inaudible ones.  What?  Beaten by one point?  You don’t surprise me.

 Later the team who had won the first round and indeed the whole quiz (we don’t know the scores as they weren’t revealed) were talking about the questions in Round 1, which they had allegedly won, and NC said ‘Well, at least you knew the leopard.’  ‘No, we didn’t', said the team member, ‘and we weren’t able to name all of the Asian teams in the final’.  The QM was still sitting beside us and we politely raised this with her;  she said something to the effect of  ‘Well, you see, that team win a lot and people accuse me of fixing the results, and you are doing it again’ and scuttled off, bearing the quiz sheets with her so no checking could be done. 

Never again.  Never, never again. As a general rule scores should always be given out and that is not too much to ask.

Anyway, enjoy the second post this week, don’t get upset at the political incorrectness, people were being a bit sarcastic, and if you can do better, write a profile for me…

Here come two in their entirety – obvious who the first one is about:

Name: Paul H
AKA: Man at C & A’s or just plain H
Plays the following quizzes: The Swimmer, Bailey, Coach and Horses, the Victoria, the Hope and Anchor
And the best one is: The Hope and Anchor
The worst quiz I ever attended was: This was back in 1992 at the Robert Browning in Maida Vale where every question asked was about the pub itself, for example ‘what was the main dessert on offer the previous lunchtime?’ and for a bonus point ‘how many currants were in it?’ Needless to say H was on his way down to Crockers by the time they asked question five – it took me that long to finish my drink, before you ask!  (Why so slow?  QL)
The best quizmaster is: Pat in the Oxford Arms:  when the roll-up questions are put to the audience, be very sure you call out the correct answer, otherwise you will receive such a tirade of abuse from the the host that it may take a long time for you to recover your self-esteem.   Great fun for the rest of the audience, though.
A good question I heard recently was: In which film are all the clocks stuck on 4.20? Answer:  Pulp Fiction.
If I were to choose only one co-player, it would be: Too difficult to name just one – I believe in ‘horses for courses’, such as anywhere there is a tasty roll-up on offer I would have to name NC.  To watch him straining every cerebral piece of matter in his body in order to come up with the winning answer for a few quid is a sight to behold.  Others worth a mention are LW at our late night quizzes at the ’269′ – has a great track record there even after 5 or 6 pints, akin to a creaky door (works better when it’s been oiled!).  PST at the Hope and Anchor – seems to have a handle on what’s going on in the world which is necessary for this quiz.  AF provided he’s not mentally exhausted from travelling to a quiz more than 100 yards from where he lives.  Custard because of his general uncertainty of anything means you get more thinking time to yourself. Finally- (snip: I have lost the will to live from typing all this stuff, and are you quite sure you haven’t forgotten anyone?  QL)
Women in quizzes: No problem providing they have done all the housework before they go to the quiz.
And finally: (You have delighted us long enough, Paul – QL).

But what are we to make of the following?

Name: I couldn’t possibly tell you
AKA: Ditto
Plays the following quizzes: I couldn’t possibly tell you, but most feature PST.
And the best one is: The ones we’ve driven other people out of.
The worst quiz I ever attended was: The one Rita and Noel didn’t tell me about.
The best quizmaster is: Well, none are as clever as me.
A good question I heard recently was: What the f*** are you doing here?
If I were to choose only one co-player, it would be: The abovementioned.
Women in quizzes: Well, there was one, but I couldn’t possibly tell you what she did.
And finally: No, no, I couldn’t possibly say. 

And here is a selection from some of the rest:
AKA: Fletch/Lord Snooty (MF)
Plays the following quizzes: The Swimmer, Elephant, Five Bells, Oxford Arms, Prince of Wales, Coach and Horses, the Victoria, Adam & Eve, Young Chelsea, Wimbledon Village Club, Raynes Park Tavern (No, we don’t know when he does his washing either – QL) (MF)
The worst quiz I ever attended was: The Coach and Horses.  They have this really stupid system which militates against the finest quiz players in the history of the universe;  it just isn’t fair and it costs me £2 every time. (Anon)
A good question I heard recently was: Not so much a good question, but a great answer. QM:  ‘How did King Kong die?’  Punter:  ‘He fell off the Empire State Building’.  QM (this was a jackpot question, and he wanted a more precise answer like ‘he was shot’): ‘Er, yes, but how exactly did he die?’ Punter:  ‘He hit the concrete’. (RD)
If I were to choose only one co-player, it would be: Andy Howard. (Anon).  (Who???)
Second choice: Keller from ‘Oz’ (RD)
Women in quizzes:All t*ts, no answers, and take the money anyway. (Anon)
And finally: This is the best website in the world. (LW)

Anyway, to happier things.  An unusual one-off quiz is listed for 1 July, apparently linked to the London Festival of Architecture.  See the relevant section of the site. I am not at all sure who can attend and who can’t, but if it interests you at all, follow links or email for details.

A few weeks ago I posed the question, ‘Is quizzing the new rock and roll?’  If the answer is in the affirmative,  then we must expect all that accompanies rock and roll (drink, drugs, loads of money, tight trousers, widespread adulation… oh well, one out of five isn’t bad).  But every rock and roll scene has its groupies, and quizzing is no exception.

Now, let’s tease out exactly what I mean, and be warned it may not be as exciting as all that.  Some years ago you might have said that quizzing was like the biblical Matthew’s concept of the resurrection:  ‘.. they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven’.  I think around this time the late Professor Propellorhead sent me, with some amusement, the following definition from the ‘Trivia Hall of Fame’: Quiz goggles n. Optical illusion by which the scarcity of women at quizzes makes them appear much more attractive than they really are. Also known to occur at science fiction conventions and wherever war-gamers or RPG fans gather. Then the ‘scene’ began to change and more women joined in with some of the inevitable consequences.  We now even have the phenomenon of ‘quiz dating’, and if you are really interested, try cutting and pasting this link:  http://www.thelondonpaper.com/life-style/love/features/quiz-dating-is-the-latest-trend-to-hit-lovers-in-london

Of course, there have always been stories…

However, to facts. If you go to a number of different quizzes in, for instance, N6, you do see quiz groupies.  These are older men,usually alone, who tend to sit at the bar and follow the quiz nights around the area;  so you might see them on Tuesday in the Prince of Wales, then on Wednesday in the Angel, then Thursday in the Victoria, and so on.  They don’t actually seem to like the quiz or quizmaster very much or indeed anyone who plays in it… yet they are quiz followers.  I think they just like the buzz that a quiz generates.

Which leads me to a moral question.  What do you do if you go to a quiz and someone on their own asks whether they can join your team?  We have generally said ‘no’ and not regretted it.  If you have actually accepted someone into your team, have you noticed that they never pay their entrance fee?  Well, I suppose that kind of freeloading is a bit rock and roll…

Trinity Arms, 45 Trinity Gardens, Sw9 8DR, 020 7274 4544, with cash prize.

And also listed as having a monthly Thursday quiz is:

The Horsehoe, 26 Melior Street,  SE1 3QP, 020 7403 6364.  Not sure of the vintage of this information so any further details would be welcomed.

World Cup themed quizzes stil seem a bit thin on the ground.  Speaking of which, good luck all tonight.  I drew Germany in the World Cup sweepstake at work, and given that I firmly believed for some time that they had won the 2006 tournament (did they not?)  maybe I have a bit of a chance.

And how we ended up there last Tuesday resulted from trying to do another of those bloody annoying quizzes where you are told ‘yes, it will be on if enough teams turn up’ and hanging around while that is established.  Combine that with the gauntlet of smokers on the door and I don’t think I’ll be going back to that particular pub.

Forgot some other names we have applied to people whose real names we may not know and who are seen at quizzes:  ‘The Bloke from Lost’ and ‘Solomon Grundy’.  The latter is, in fact, two people, a bit like something in ‘Mad Max 3′ – hence the post title.

Someone’s looking for World Cup themed pub quizzes so let me know if you hear of any.  I did find http://www.puregroove.co.uk/in-store.aspx?CntProv=Events&CntItem=f487abf5-9e17-439b-beae-d2a4597fdefe but cannot make head nor tail of it.  And the debate continues on whether it’s right for pubs to charge an entry fee for the England matches…

News otherwise:  go to ‘One-off quizzes’ for details of one on 2 June.  And be prepared for a shortage of quizzes during the World Cup, as might be expected….

Of course, a liking for pub quizzes is not usually synonymous with a liking for TV quizzes.  I tend to find the latter a bit annoying – usually it’s a toss-up as regards who is the smuggest and most annoying, the contestant or the QM, and I would struggle to think of a TV quiz with really interesting questions.

That said, ’1 versus 100′ has a good format and has translated well to quiz machine territory.  No doubt you all have your favourites also, but there are many which are just pants.

Once, in a idle moment, I started trying to think of alternative versions of TV quizzes. Some TV quiz shows are beyond parody, like ‘The Chase’, but some others could be adapted.   For instance, there could be ‘Innit to win it’, like the original but with even less articulate participants.  Or ‘Come and have a go if you think you’re thick enough’, based on the original but with even easier questions.  Or ‘D*ckheads’, like ‘Eggheads’ but… no, just like the original.

I declare a ‘Golden Goal’ in the marathon place name challenge, with with a good guess coming in.  Working almost backwards, here are the answers to the clues:

6.  Has a famous namesake in the USA… you just put a ‘New’ before it.

7. .. and one of its biggest population centres could be a namesake of a famous London street.  Fleet (Street)

5.  Used to have something in its name; not now. Used to have a ‘South’ before it and a ‘ton’ in the middle.

4.  Stone age stone for a tourist attraction.  Pebble Beach – Pebbles – Flintstones – geddit?

3.  Contains an airport. Go there and you might find your luggage labelled with ‘sou’.

2:  Strange thing about the fields there – you might just find a hippocampus in one…

1:  A prominent local football team might display all three primary colours.  But not at the same time:  red, white and black for home, yellow and blue for away.

Which leads back to clue 2.  Now, as well as being a name for a seahorse, the hippocampus is an important part of the brain.  And a famous song tells us of someone who wants to ring his mother and say ‘I can never come home again because I seem to have left an important part of my brain somewhere in a field in…’  Yes, there’s your answer.

I’ve got a lot of updating of the site to do, but it won’t be done this weekend.  My computer seems to have finally died, and I am working on a Heath Robinson type arrangement of a tiny netbook hooked up to a decent sized keyboard and mouse.  So you’ll have to wait…  But one new or relaunched quiz I’ve been sent is the following:

The Warrington Hotel, Maida Vale, W9 1EH, with a Monday night quiz.  When I get more information I’ll let you know.