Well, I knew I could rely on the site’s informal Dublin correspondent, Bible John, to come up with a Crapness Index (CI) for something (see ‘Index Prohibitorius), and here it is:

CI for quizzes in Dublin

Number of times quizmaster demonstrates that he is a David Brent manqué – ie he really wanted to be an actor or DJ, and sees himself as not so much a quizmaster, more an all round ‘entertainer’ – so little things like ‘questions’ and ‘answers’ don’t really matter all that much

Times

Number of times quizmaster demonstrates that he is in the middle of a passionate and lifelong love affair with the sound of his own voice

Times

Number of times quizmaster and other organisers demonstrate that they are operating on ‘Irish Time’, that fabled concept summed up by the old joke of the Irishman asked what is the Irish for ‘manana’, who replies that there is no word in Irish conveying that exact sense of urgency. It is a concept visitors occasionally find charming but which can be a pain in the posterior to live with. It is best demonstrated in quizzes by the quizmaster who says ‘we can’t start now’ [ie on time] – ‘people haven’t turned up yet’ – the problem being that people don’t turn up on time because they know the quiz won’t start on time. It is particularly enjoyable for those who [a] have to get up in the morning to get to work and [b] are relying on what passes in Dublin for public transport to get home

Times

Number of times quizmaster or organisers remind you that this is all for ‘charidee’ – which apparently is meant to excuse any and all incompetence and self indulgence.

But, like the Murphy’s…

To more serious matters.  A couple of weeks ago I had a mailing about World Water Day on 22 March, and people involved with Water Aid would love some involvement from pub quizzes on that day.  They’ve prepared some more information and some sample questions – mail me for details.

The Commercial,  212 Railton Road, SE24 0JT, 020 7733 8783, has a Monday quiz.  This is run by no less than former Big Brother contestant Seanie.

The Marquess Tavern, 32 Canonbury Street, N1 2TB, 020 7354 2975 has  started a Tuesday quiz.  Here are some of the details:

The Marquess Tavern quiz is every Tuesday from 8pm and only costs £1 for 40 general knowledge questions. First place wins the jackpot and other prizes vary from a bar tab to bottle of wine to chocolates for things like best team name and tie breakers. Prizes will get bigger and better as our crowd grows.  We also sell extra tickets for a final rollover question. If the number drawn gets a question wrong the jackpot rolls over to the next week (good way to get people to return!).

 The Social, 5 Little Portland Street, London, W1W 7JD, 020 7636 4992,  offers a quiz on the second Thursday of every month and here’s the blurb:

LET’S GET QUIZZICAL at The Social.
Free entry. Free to play
No dress code, no posers.
Opens 7. Quiz starts at 8.30
Dancing till 1am
Tables, first come first served.
 
Maybe it was the dismal quiz I was at last Monday where every round surpassed the previous one in terms of studiedly (is there such a word?) uninteresting questions that got me thinking about defining in more detail what makes a crap quiz.  Then I moved on to trying to work out a formula for an index score of crapness.   

The way I see it, the Quiz Crap Index (QCI) could be the following:
Number of questions about the QM’s pet topics;
multiplied by number of times there have been suspicious results in this particular quiz;
plus number of Mister (Bastard) Men picture rounds.

Obviously, the higher the score the worse the quiz. Now, I think that gives a pretty good indication of overall dismality (another neologism?) and I am only debating whether the number of times there have been suspicious results should be divided by the number of times you have been at that quiz.  On balance, no;  because,  this is the one thing that can’t be forgiven.

Once you have accepted the notion of a Crapness Index (CI), you find you can apply it to many things.  For instance, the CI of a particular geographical area might be derived by the following:
Number of branches of Nando’s;
plus number of closed-down pubs (bad sign);
multiplied by number of pavement cyclists you see within five minutes.

The CI of a Hollywood movie might be:
Number of mawkish words used to describe/sell it;
multiplied by number of car chase scenes;
plus an extra 10 for the presence of any of the following:  Dustin Hoffman, Joe Pesci, Nicolas Cage, Robin Williams, and Meryl Streep. If the last of these is doing one of her funny accents, add 20.

I could go on, but I’m supposed to be working.  Have fun making up your own CI formulae and send me the best!

Two bits of news from QL readers today.  The first is the restarting of:

The Rose and Crown, Stoke Newington Church Street, N16 9ES, on Tuesday nights starting at 8.30.

And no more Balham Tup…  I did say when the recession started that I would find it difficult to keep up with pub closures, and asked people to notify me of as many as possible.  I wonder whether this means the chill winds of change are blowing around the other Tup pubs?

On a couple of occasions people have asked me to have a ‘Wicked Whispers’ column or feature on QL, dishing the dirt on whoever.  I would say this could only end in tears, particularly for me, but I will let you know of one of NC’s suggestions – he wanted me to ask ‘Which Quizmaster was drunk in charge of a quiz a couple of weeks ago?’  I’ll have to leave you ponder on that.

Quizzes where the QM is intoxicated are, in fact, not that infrequent and provide some unforgettable moments.  Who will ever forget the question on ‘electrif-if-fication’ in a Camden town quiz pub, followed swiftly by the barman grabbing the microphone and bravely trying to ask the rest of the questions?  Or the Highgate hostelry where the QM fell up the stairs?  Or the North London pub where two guys who could not even speak or stand…  Sorry, on the last one my memory is playing me false.  They, in fact, were the team who beat us….

http://www.bigpubquiz.org/repository/file/33/content_file.pdf
http://pressitt.com/smnr/
help-smash-the-record-for-the-worlds-biggest-pub-quiz/735/

Also, Water Aid’s supporters are trying to have some input to pub quizzes in London on Monday 22  March:  mail me if you are interested in involving your quiz in this initiative and I’ll forward this onwards. www.wateraid.org/uk/

And most changes in the daily listings this week are due to a very kind QuizList reader who checked out a few Monday quizzes for all our benefit, as the result of which I have managed to delete a couple and move others to their correct night of the week.  A big thank you for that!

Have a look also at a helpful Evening Standard article about some more unusual types of quizzes. I’m very interested in the literary one myself and have put the details into ‘One Off Quizzes’:  http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23800894-your-fashion-starter-for-ten.do.

From last week’s cliffhanger, you didn’t guess Roy Cropper, the soap quizzer par excellence?  Must try harder…

O’Neill’s, 65 Cannon Street, EC4N 5AA.  Mondays at 6.30, £2 per person entry, cash prize plus spot prizes.  Yes, that’s the O’Neill’s chain which boasts the wonderful Smithwicks on draught, best ale in the world.

The Cuckoo, 115 Hemingford Road, N1 1BZ, boasts a new not-so-Fat Controller quiz on Monday evenings, 8pm , with a prize of a meal (for one).  Eddie the n-s-F-C will keep us posted on how this develops.

And check One-Off quizzes for details of EIA’s Year of the Tiger Charity Quiz Night, taking place on Thursday 11 February in Tiger Tiger in Haymarket, in aid of – you guessed it – tigers.

For some reason I got to thinking about what tv or film characters you might meet at pub quizzes, and here’s what I came up with.  Not all of these have actually participated in quizzes, but they represent some of the kind of characters you meet along the way.  Here we go:

Ian Beale (‘Enders):  the kind of person who will stop at nothing to win, just to prove a point.

Mr Garrison (South Park):  someone with a seemingly baffling private life, who has displayed an intimate knowledge of certain tv programmes.

Ken Barlow (Corrie):  not at all boring slightly avuncular older person who doesn’t know as much as he thinks.

McManus (Oz):  someone with an unjustified belief that their liberal intelligentsia credentials makes them good at quizzes.  I seem to remember McM getting a rude awakening on ‘Up the Ante’.

The Fat Slags (Viz, but I may be hallucinating to think they were on tv or film):  nothing at all to do with their figures but their endless ‘na-hah-hah’ing may sometimes be heard at quizzes…

Harry Potter: deeply annoying little twerp who seems to know everything and takes the high moral ground to boot.

Frank Gallagher (Shameless):  yes, folks, I have lost to characters as drunk as that, in a place not a million miles from the village…

But there is one tv character who above all epitomises a certain quiz type, with his endless facts, his equally (to Mr Garrison) mystifying private life, and his slightly on-the-spectrum presentation – who is it?  Answer next week, guesses to me (just for fun)…  cue dramatic music and closing credits!

Some of you will know my day job, some don’t;  in the course of it I sometimes venture into prisons and secure units and once I was asked by someone in one of these settings  ’what do you need to work in your profession?’  My reply was ‘a brass neck’ – not to do with the people you meet there but the frequently objectionable other professionals you encounter.  I would say the same about quizmastering;  don’t go into the area if you’re going to be overly sensitive about criticism of your fab questions and barracking about your accent etc.    The late Professor Propellorhead’s article on this site, http://quizlist.com/articles/thoughts-of-a-quizmaster/, will give you some indication of what to expect;  and we also have Bible John’s dos and don’ts: http://quizlist.com/articles/bible-johns-guide-to-a-good-pub-quiz/.

Quizmastering is a profession you can enter with very little investment – as regards the tools of the trade, all you need is questions (easily obtainable from the Web – see, for instance, this link http://www.quiz-media.co.uk/partners/id/115_6), answer sheets, and access to a microphone.  But how do you find a pub that wants your services as a QM?  The best way is word of mouth – ask other QMs, ask locals about which pubs used to do quizzes and might be interested in re-starting them, and best of all, ask those seasoned pub quiz teams that you just know spend (part of) the week trawling round other quizzes where there might be a ‘vacancy’ coming up.

Now, of course, there are some websites which (formally or informally) offer a matching service for QMs looking for a pub and pubs looking for a QM.  For a start, you can always mail QuizList and I’ll do my best to match QMs and pubs up.  I’m also thinking of creating an area where I can post these details which should remove the need for me to forward mails back and forth, and I will speak to Carl who is the technical genius on this site about doing this.  Will keep you posted. The redoubtable Dr Paul’s mine of quiz information did, I believe, also set out to offer this service, and has details of a book which will help would-be quizmasters  http://www.quiz-media.co.uk/partners/id/115_1.

Another correspondent’s  useful blog on ‘Today in History’ also has some quizmastering facts and a link to a book called ‘The Easy Quizmaster’:  http://todaysthedayquiz.blogspot.com/.

This is only scratching the surface of what’s available – let me know of any good resources I’ve missed.  Quizmasters – keep doing those quizzes, we do appreciate your efforts even though we don’t say it,  but for god’s sake please don’t download that picture round with Mr (Bastard) Men on it ever again…

Slow week , two fairly un-brilliant quizzes visited, and NC and PH proved hard to detach from the quiz machines.  Most pubs now seem to have the same model of games machine and it has a boring selection of games – once in a while when I happen on ‘Trivia for Dummies Version 1′ or ‘Quiz City’ it’s good…  ‘Beat the Landlord’ or whatever it’s called started with promise and has, I think, been hammered by too many professionals;  the crossword one isn’t bad but some original new games are needed.  I started off liking ‘Choose to Lose’ but then you get those awful spates where your choices are reduced to two…

Finally, for all would-be or veteran quizmasters, visit QuizList next week for the QuizMasters’ special, when I will be trying to put together a few resources for that group of people about whom I am frequently critical…

The Windmill, 44 Lambeth High Street, SE1 7JS, 020 7735 1698.

Any more details, let me know.

And recently I’ve revisited two quizzes which some time ago I used to be found at semi-frequently.  First of all, we have the Victoria, North Hill, N6, which has changed its quiz night a few times and now settled on a Monday.  It’s taking a break at the moment but persisted through the first flurry of snow.  What’s good is that each round carries a separate prize;  what’s not so good is that some of these were fairly nasty-looking  sweets or similar which we gave back;  what’s good is the final ‘jackpot’ round where you have to reach a certain number of right answers out of twenty to scoop the takings.  The possibility exists of a rollover.  Anyway, I believe the quiz is taking a break in January.

Then on Tuesdays we have the Washington in England’s Lane, NW3,  a long-running quiz which temporarily shifted to Monday nights.  This is the standard ‘Redtooth’ format with the final wipeout round – get one wrong and your score for that round is wiped out, get all right and you gather an extra five points.  I am glad to say that we won and had an enjoyable evening sharing a big table with various other groups who dropped in and out and listening to stories on the architecture of Belsize Park (!).  The QM experienced some barracking and unfortunately wasn’t running the jackpot on the night we were there, which was a bit of a pity;  the only other complaint I had was that when the time came to get a taxi a staff member offered me a number where the controller had never heard of the Washington and also seemed puzzled at the concept of ‘England’s Lane’ …  Nonetheless, well worth a visit.

Complaints on the hardness of the ‘mystery place’ quiz!  Sorry.  Will do better…

So you couldn’t guess the place name?  Shame on you.  One correct guess given to me verbally, so that person is the winner, and many incorrect ones by e-mail.  Here we go:

It has at least 15 namesakes in the USA,  and contains a prison, cathedral and castle.  Well, no more explanation is needed on these clues.

Nineteenth century literary connection:  there are actually several, but Dickens was closely associated with this place.  And this ties in with ‘think of a metal roster, then turn it round:  ‘a metal roster’ might be  ‘a chrome list’, which is an anagram of Cloisterham, the setting for The Mystery of Edwin Drood, and believed to be based on our place.

Walk up a prominent street there, and you might find yourself in Pennsylvania:  Fort Pitt.

A defensive afterthought nearby has given us a word which entered the English language:  well,  here’s how Wikipedia defines this – ‘Fort Borstal was built as an afterthought from the 1859 Royal Commission on the Defence of the United Kingdom, by convict labour between 1875 and 1885.’  So now you know….

Famous near-carthorse:  ‘Carthorse’ is nearly an anagram of the place name.

Sometimes grouped with other neighbouring places around a geographical feature:  the Medway Towns.

An old Roman Road runs through it:  Watling Street.

Nearby football team has blue as a prominent colour:  Gillingham.

In 1998, something happened this place which makes it (to my knowledge) unique among English places for what it hasn’t rather than for what it has:  it lost its status as a city, making it possibly the only ex-city in England today…

And if you still don’t know where it is, well, reader, I married him.

Haven’t decided whether I’ll run another one of these in the immediate future, so to keep you going, think about what the following might have in common:  Fireworks, skip lorries, the pips on Radio 4, the bleeps on ‘Mastermind’, text message signals?  (Answer:  the dog is scared of all of them…)

Time for QL’s review of the year, and for once I am at a loss. I think the main story was pub closures, and though I have tried as far as I can to keep the site up to date, I’ll repeat my plea that if you know of a pub closure or quiz which is no longer running, please take a minute to let me know. You don’t go on any mailing list and your e-mail address isn’t used in any other way, but you will have done all users of the site a favour. People are generally keen to tell me when something new starts; when it finishes it’s kind of ‘out of mind’ but not necessarily out of site (sic) as you haven’t let me know to remove it…

Anyway, pub closures, recessions, big jackpots… I think we have come nearly full circle to the position of 10-15 years ago, with a small number of people targeting big money and big jackpot quizzes, and barrings and bannings happening. On the other hand, small quizzes with no big cash atttractions are being held onto by pubs as they draw the punters in during these difficult times. I think predictions of the end of quizzing as we know it are premature, and we’ve heard it all before…

Low points were easier to identify than high points. There was that ill-advised return to a quiz where we were sure we’d been shafted twice and being almost certainly shafted again (the QM didn’t recognise us) – three losses by one point to drunk teams of the QM’s friends is too much, and besides I took the answer sheets so am aware of the winning team being marked right for wrong answers… enough said. Then there was being presented with a round of Suduko counting for ten points. Then there was going to a quiz organised from work and my colleague picking ‘Music’ for our joker round (turned out to be national anthems…).

High points – what? The continuation of some good local quizzes, like the Three Compasses in Hornsey and the Five Bells in East Finchley, some good quizzes outside London like the Rendezvous in Weymouth and the perennial Mermaid in Porth, and the usual good company and good times at quizzes when people don’t take things too seriously.

So the usual thanks to Carl, who created the site and does all technical things; some of the better pub landlords and QMs (you know who you are); everyone who has sent me information during the year; and Quizzers Extraordinaire NC, PH and MF; and here’s to a prosperous 2010.