QuizList

I’m using the term ‘quiz machines’ in the way it’s defined in Wikipedia:  ‘a term used in the UK for commercial coin operated video quiz games that offer cash prizes for winning performances’.  You will along the way also meet the term Skill with Prizes (SWP), although not all of these games are quiz based.

Quiz machines are sited in pubs, amusement arcades, and sometimes those funny side bits of airports or ferry terminals where the lorry drivers seem to congregate.  The two major operators within the UK are Paragon and Itbox, and the games generally cost 50p-£1 to play.  The payout is generally set at around 30% of takings, and the jackpot attainable on many games is £20.  However, smaller cash prizes are more common.

I used to play a variety of quiz machine years ago with ‘Bible John’ where you answered the questions, achieved a score, inputted your name on a leaderboard and if at the end of the week you were top you’d win a tenner or bottle of whisky.  In those days the machines were able to call on a smaller range of questions and while you got the odd ‘spoiler’ question (ie what was the score in some obscure football match 20 years previously) there still had to be the end of week payout.  Technology has meant that a huge range of questions is possible and it’s harder to memorise things because the range seems to change a lot.

So why play them?  Well, it’s a game of skill, you might learn something, and a lot of the games are fun.  I am by no means an expert but here are some of what I think are the best:

Let’s start with ‘South Park’.  Basically, characters from SP pop up holding placards with a theme and number of points on them, e.g. Sport 25 points, Words 100 points, Mystery 50 points.  You pick the one you think you stand most chance of getting right, or the one with the most points if you know everything, and you get asked a question on it.  Choose the right answer and you proceed (I think there are a couple of lifelines as well).  Avoid the ‘Mystery’ if you can, because it’s a total bastard (things flashed up then turned over and you identify the pairs in a very short space of time, or suchlike).  So how do you win anything?  You have to get through to ‘Cartman’s cash’ and stop a whizzing arrow at a cash amount;  if not, there are just more questions. Folks, there are in this life two entities I can do a passable imitation of;  one is one of the ***heads whom I find intensely annoying, and the other is Cartman.  So when you lose, Cartman pipes up with ‘Screw you guys, I’m going haaawwwm’ and you can say it in unison with him. Unfortunately, I have been barred from doing this by quizmates;  I can’t even say the shortened form (’Screw you guys – home’), but I sometime ignore them and persevere.  Anyway, every loser wins…..

Which is also the name of a quiz machine game.  Now, this one has its moments, as it’s a genuinely good idea which isn’t based on a TV programme.  From a choice of two or three alternatives you have to hit the wrong answer – you might have one lifeline (it never seems like much) and once you hit a right answer, you’re out.   The main problem is that if people are behind you shouting out prompts you have to be clear on whether they are saying the right answer (which you must avoid) or the wrong answer (which you should hit).  This confusion has been the downfall of many a hardened quiz machine player and a source of some animated conversations following the game.  Another problem is when the questions start getting sneaky (negatives or double negatives) and you have to work out in your head what the question is actually saying then go against it, all within the time limit.  It does keep the brain cells active. I hope.

‘Pub Quiz’ is probably your most straightforward game, answer questions on various topics, maybe switch category once, progress through the categories to win (some) money.  Sometimes you get a bonus lifeline where four beer mats shuffle around and you pick the one which has ‘Add Pass’ or ‘Add Cheat’ on its flipside (needless to say, you get a look before they turn over). I just wish they wouldn’t try to add ‘jokes’ among the alternatives for each answer as they don’t tend to be wildly funny.  One I can just about remember, and if it’s not from ‘Pub Quiz’ I apologise:  ‘Winston Churchill was famed for having what in his mouth?:  A. A big cigar  B. A baby’s dummy  C. A bloody great spliff.  ‘Pub Quiz’ is probably one of the most widely available games also, so it’s worth practising as you’ll come across it on a lot of machines.  Fletcher’s advice is ‘When you get offered Sport, change category’ and true enough, the sports category is probably the hardest of the lot…

Now let’s talk about my favourite quiz machine game:  ‘Trivia for Dummies’ (subtitled ‘Trivia for the rest of us’).  You put in your 50p, and only then do you see how many levels you have to get through to win a quid (or even two quid, which I can vaguely remember from a machine in Sheffield…),  Beyond that are some theoretical sums such as £10.  You answer questions and progress through various categories, using lifelines wisely, and when you reach a cash amount you have what seems like about 5 seconds to pick the odd one out among a screenful of those little guys from the ‘For Dummies’ books.  Now, sometimes it’s obvious like his eyes are melting off his face, and sometimes it’s really sneaky like something in the writing, and sometimes I don’t see it at all and we crash out.  I really like this game, possibly because it’s fast and furious and the tasks are varied,  with a sense of achievement if you manage to get through the ‘odd one out’, but it seems to be vanishing off machines so presumably it wasn’t making enough money.  Come to think of it, neither was I.  But the bad news is that Version 2 of Trivia for Dummies is a classic.  Of suck.

There is a large sub-category which I would term Games Played by NC Which Appear To Go On For Ever And During Which I Sit It Out With a Drink.  These include ‘Golden Boot’, ‘Bullseye’ (I just don’t get what you’re supposed to do with the darts), and that old faithful, ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’.  The last of these has, I believe, questions rising from easier to harder (except I don’t think there’s much of a difference).  Then if you want to cash out you get some silly thing like four pictures of ‘celebs’ and you have to put them in the order they were born.  Result:  failure.

Speaking of tv-based games, there are some good ones. ‘Golden Balls’ is passable, with decent questions.  You have to hit ‘balls’ placed in front of contestants and answer questions, and I find that sometimes you are hitting the balls so hard that you haven’t notice you are being prompted to eliminate a contestant and have eliminated someone who’s holding some money.  If you get through to the cash phase, anticipate a ‘Killer’ ball, which will slash your winnings, towards the end.  And if I haven’t explained it very well, that’s because I don’t really know what I’m doing, but it’s still sometimes possible to win a few quid…

Now to my verdict on what is the best tv-based pub quiz machine game. It’s ‘1 versus 100’. Plenty of questions, no Ben or Dermot, and no other diversionary activity. A question is posed, you are given three alternative answers, you have two chances to dodge and one to double your score. Answer it right and you knock out the ‘members of the 100’ who supposedly got it wrong. Get to zero without a wrong answer and you get through to the money board where theoretical amounts such as £20 and £10 appear and you usually end up with £2-£4. I think it was once £5 and I think it was once 75p. Sometimes you’re given a chance to bail out and if the offer is £3-£4, take it. In all probability you won’t win much higher. Problems with this one? When they begin asking a lot of date questions and a personal problem I also have is hitting the middle answer of the three alternatives. Fat Finger Syndrome or something like it, I suppose.

So, to complete my roundup of some of the more popular games, let’s conclude with ‘Deal or No Deal’.  ‘HAAA-LOOOO,’ says a virtual Noel Edmonds.  You’re given your target of points to reach (has ranged between 20000 and 72000)  pick your box, then you knock out a couple of others, then you answer questions and try to build up points.  At some stage you are offered a deal which will be well short of your target but you keep going.  Reach your target without crashing out and get through to the money board and win a few quid.  This is an okay game but it is a disaster if you knock out the £250,000 box – you are struggling from then on and probably better off starting from scratch.  There is also a version without questions and I cannot remember how that works.

Remember, any advice I’ve given is based only on the experience and observations of someone who is not a serious player.  For afficionados, do a search for some of the discussion sites about quiz machines and SWP games.  And good luck!